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jimdahl

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Everything posted by jimdahl

  1. I would make sure you help the kids do something for her. I wrote a bit about this last year: Mother's Day for the separated or divorced dads out there
  2. Without it being mentioned in a legal agreement, there's a fair chance you can't legally be obligated to anything. In a lot of places, you have no obligations after the kids are 18 UNLESS you sign a contract agreeing to continue to support them. That's a different question than whether you want to plan with your ex to help pay for your kids' college after they're 18. You might think it's the right thing to do, and want to make joint plans to do so, without necessarily legally obligating yourself to do so.
  3. My stepdaughter's mother lets her eat candy for dinner - Slate Interparental aggression often co-occurs with aggression toward kids - Penn State News Throwing everything into co-parenting after divorce - CBC .
  4. The 7 best coparenting apps out there - SheKnows Apps offer a range of services including secure/recorded messaging, sharing of documents, expense tracking/sharing, shared address books for kids' contacts, and even access to live mediators. Of course, sometimes all you need is a good calendar. Donald Trump Jr finalizes divorce from Vanessa Trump, but exes still co-parenting
  5. Another round-up of coparenting apps: The 7 best coparenting apps out there - SheKnows.com 2houses amicable coparently ourfamilywizard cozi talking parents google calendar
  6. I came across this article that I think summarizes it nicely: What type of relationship should I have with my co-parent now we're divorced? An important point is that all three of these are good parenting relationships. People so often seem to hold up "allied" as the ideal, but arm's length and autonomous can both be good parenting relationships, and more realistic for many people's divorces.
  7. Co-parenting app helps mediate - Fast Company ’One unique family’: Dad and stepdad-to-be inspire with harmonious co-parenting of little girl Woodling: Co-parenting suggestions for when ex is difficult - Florida Today
  8. Unless the split is completely mutual, if one person is still interested in the other, I wonder how such arrangements would survive one of them having a new partner. At one year of separation, I do a lot with my ex-wife and the kids, but I have to admit that some of that is attraction to my ex-wife. I'm not sure I'd be nearly as interested in doing stuff with my kids, ex-wife, and a new husband.
  9. I think the idea with trying to time it is that you want to give the kids a little time to adjust and talk to both, but not so much time as to confuse them about whether you're staying together, but also time it so you have as much information as possible about what the plan will be (who's moving, when, where, etc...). But, of course, there are many good reasons not to hit that perfect ideal.
  10. Kourtney Kardashian's holiday vacation with Scott Disick & Sofia Ritchie is co-parenting goals For newly divorced, it's important to stick to custody agreement over holidays Is 'platonic parenting' the relationship of the future?
  11. I posted this article in the general holiday thread, but this section is very relevant to the gift giving discussion. The best gift you can give your children this holiday season: You I wonder how many people actually pull that off? That takes a serious amount of coordination and cooperation.
  12. The best gift you can give your children this holiday season: You
  13. jimdahl

    Holiday schedules

    Our plan is to split Christmas this year with a bit of back-and-forth. She'll get them Christmas Eve Day, including the evening, but I get them at bedtime so they wake up at my place on Christmas Day. I do Christmas Day, but according to the standard schedule that's actually her day, so they'll go back to her at the end of the day. I'm hoping we work it out so we spend some (most?) of that time together as a family, but it's only a week away and my outreach so far has been ignored. This is pretty much the only holiday we split like that, everything else we alternate years. But, neither of us are yet willing to give up Christmas entirely. The only drawback is it means no travel for either of us, so she took the kids to do Christmas with her side of the family last weekend.
  14. https://divorceandchildren.com/2016/12/gift-giving-tips-for-divorced-parents/ Excellent article. Don't compete, cut the strings, don't undermine the other parent, and take the high road!
  15. Dealing with divorce during the holidays
  16. That's one of those areas that I just explain that mom and I have different preferences, so things are going to be a little different. You're never going to make things exactly the same at both houses, anyway.
  17. jimdahl

    Holiday schedules

    So far we're just doing Thanksgiving with one parent. We had some talks about trying to do something together this year, but didn't manage to talk enough about it to come to an agreement. So, the kids spent Thanksgiving with mom and her parents, but I made a Thanksgiving meal and celebrated with them on Wednesday, then I'll get them back for the weekend.
  18. Some good advice in this article, focused not just on how to do right by your kids, but on how taking care of yourself is important to your kids! Divorce parents: Alone for the holiday can be especially tough!
  19. West Michigan parents talk about coparenting and shaming - ABC13 The day I realized I needed my ex-husband as much as the kids do - Huffington Post A guide to coparenting - Womens Fitness
  20. While I know a few 50-50s in Virginia, the most "normal" seems to be mom having primary and dad getting every Tuesday night and every other weekend. Not sure why it's always Tuesday, but that adds up to just the right amount of time for both parents to be considered to have joint custody under VA law, which matters a lot for the child support formula.
  21. I gave my older daughter (9) that book and my younger daughter (5) this book: https://www.amazon.com/Two-Homes-Claire-Masurel/dp/0763619841/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0763619841&pd_rd_r=081aae06-e49b-11e8-afb3-1bad0afb3b72&pd_rd_w=lGrKB&pd_rd_wg=INbbV&pf_rd_i=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_p=6725dbd6-9917-451d-beba-16af7874e407&pf_rd_r=C4YRVVAPYRHEX76JR6H3&pf_rd_s=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_t=40701&psc=1&refRID=C4YRVVAPYRHEX76JR6H3
  22. I've struggled a lot with what to call my wife (we're separated, not yet divorced). Ex doesn't feel right. Referring to her as my children's mom sort of eliminates any relationship between the two of us. I guess that's where we are, now, though; are the kids the only reason we ever talk to each other or even common acquaintances? When talking about her to the kids, I usually just refer to her as, "mom". When talking to other people, I still tend to say, "wife". Guess I'll have to figure that out when the divorce actually goes through.
  23. More on the Affleck/Garner celebrity coparenting saga... Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck agree to attend co-parenting therapy
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